My Chronic Illness Fight
Years ago, I took it all for granted. Waking up on Sunday morning and hurrying a little more to make it to church. My biggest problem was thinking about what to wear, or ironing someone’s shirt at the last minute. It could be a beautiful sunshine-filled day or cold and wet, but inside the house I was getting dressed and putting on make-up.
Now that my body has turned on me, I can’t take anything for granted. I don’t make plans, because I know how I’m going to feel. Feeling drained of all energy, I watch the world go by. The normal people are still hurried and making it to church or other places. I’m trapped in a physical body that I have no control over.
My brain says, You’re going to have a great day and be a creative, energetic person. My physical body says, your life as an active person isn’t happening. Because my body attacks itself, through autoimmune disease and mast cell disorder, there’s no talking it down. It does what it wants.
My prednisone trial is going nowhere. 5mg of prednisone didn’t phase my pain or energy levels. So, I’m now on 10 mg. The second day of nothing! Ten years ago, 10 mg actually made me feel better. Having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, I know that nothing is quite the same as it was. I had such high hopes for prednisone; and will give it a few more days.
I’ll daydream about a strong me. In my daydreams and night-time dreams I’m full of energy. I still remember how that feels. It was a wonderful feeling! Keeping that feeling alive is important to me. Maybe someday that feeling could be real again. I won’t give up.
@2017, copyright Lisa Ehrman