I Feel Terrible

If you don’t like venting, you can stop reading now.  I just saw another FB post covered in flowers, saying something about chronic pain doesn’t define me.  lalalala.  The commenters were basically disagreeing (some with their own curses) with this.  How can you live with constant pain and it not define you?

I’ve been dealing with this (especially yesterday).  My health has grown to be so bad it does define me.  I am known for my bad health.  No one invites me anywhere because they know I can’t come.  No one wants to really be around me because I’m always sick.  I am dealing with constant headaches, dizzy spells, nausea and weakness.  Now, who is going to want to ask to spend time with that?

It can get depressing and does.  The doctors see you for just a minute and play with your medications with no thought for how you feel.  They increase drugs and decrease drugs.  These drugs have strong side-effects both physically and emotionally.  Then, my family and I have to deal with all of it.  It is rough!  Right now I’m not handling it well, and my pain level is very high.

At the same time, the physical therapist expects me to work out and I’m trying to eat well.  I’ve gained 30 pounds, but have no energy to cook.  I’m too weak and dizzy to cook.  See, I told you this was a vent post!  Well, this is for me to maybe feel better.  Any of you with Ehlers Danlos and other chronic illnesses will surely understand.

I will probably be going through several months of withdrawal of Cymbalta and maybe Topamax?  I don’t really know right now.  But, I’m not getting headache relief anymore from it.  My ability to think seems to be getting worse.  Hubby says that it seems to be getting progressively worse.

I certainly wish that there was better research for the diseases that I have: Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Mast Cell Disorder, Chronic Migraine,  and Auto-immune disorder.  I am so glad to have family close to love me and hug me when I cry.  Whatever you’re dealing with today, I hope and pray that you have people to love you close by.

“A friend loves at all times” Proverbs 17: 17
@2016, copyright Lisa Ehrman

8 thoughts on “I Feel Terrible”

  1. No one has commented. I honestly have no words that will likely help you, because chronic pain is debilitating. I have DDD, and it is debilitating at times, yet your symptoms make me want to hug you. Sending light and love your way. I just couldn't bare seeing your post that no one commented.


  2. Thank you, Allyson. Your illness must be terribly painful, too. I have some bad discs from scoliosis- but not DDD. I'm sure you must have awful times with this! I'm so sorry. Even if I don't get comments, it helps me to vent sometimes. We can't always be strong….you're so very kind and your light and love are greatly appreciated 🙂


  3. Aw, sorry you're having so much pain and other bad side effects. You know I enjoy our time together chatting, and I've liked getting to know you and your family, your past, and even your present with the medical issues cause I have them too. Who ever knows what tomorrow holds anyway? (Except the Lord!) I'm way out of my comfort zone now, helping my daughter's family pack to move. It can be quite stressful! They're planning to get a U-haul truck and load up Friday, but tons of stuff still needs to be packed! I did one of my grandson's closet, but mostly just watching him (at a young 5, he needs watching and attention), doing laundry, and meals. My husband's mostly worked in the shed and taken loads to the dump/recycle.

    If we do get away with the truck Saturday, everything has to be put in storage for several weeks until the house they're hoping to close on is available. All this is if contracts (selling and buying) proceed as planned.

    Enough about me tho. Be careful going off the cymbalta, the doc has you weaning off, right? It can be bad enough going off gradually, but don't stop completely. That may be why you're having a rough go of it lately!

    Take care and keep your head up! How's Archie doing? I'd love to meet him sometime. I miss mine so when we're away and have to board her (we're normally not gone as long as this time). Talk to you again soon!


  4. Moving is so stressful and very difficult when you have chronic pain. This is an awful time of year to move, too. I hate to hear that you're dealing with this, because you'll need a long vacation afterwards 🙂 I sure hope that everything goes well for your daughter and that you don't hurt yourself. The doctor is weaning me down (and maybe off) this med. Yes, the withdrawal does seem to be bad news. Archie is doing fine, and very spoiled 🙂 Take care!


  5. Since I hate it when people say “I understand what you are going thru” (even if they have some form of chronic pain, it's different for everyone), I will just say that it is okay to vent and you are very lucky to have family nearby that obviously care about you & love you. I do understand how chronic pain can just wear you down – I have Psoriatic arthritus, Psoriasis and alopecia universalis and some days I just give in to the pain, because there is no other way to get thru it. I cherish the days that are “good” and try not to let people diminish my illnesses. I think a lot of people don't understand that with any auto-immune disease, there is not much you can do when your body is attacking you. I have gotten quite a bit of relief from acupuncture. Like you had mentioned, exercise is a great pain reliever, but not always possible. I stopped beating myself up a long time ago and just do what I can, when I can. Stay strong and cherish those good days, cherish the people around you who are there for you. Yes, our illnesses will define us – but I like to think they define us as stronger people because of what we have been thru. Please take care, and remember: venting is okay!


  6. Thanks for sharing such a great post, Kate. You obviously understand about chronic pain, and the need to sometimes vent. I'm glad that you've found relief in acupuncture. I've never tried that one, but might do it. We do become stronger, in many different ways, from all of this pain. You sound like a strong and wise lady and I hope and pray that you have many good days ahead 🙂


  7. I'm so sorry to hear that you are not doing well. I was just thinking today about people who suffer with chronic pain and wondering how on Earth they handle it. I think it would define me… I know I am miserable when I am not at my best and it would be so frustrating and disheartening to feel that way for long periods of time. I wish you all the best and hope that you find a more lasting solution.


  8. Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughts 🙂 As you saw from my post, some days are handled better than others. Frustration from months of daily headaches, etc build up until you want to scream sometimes. But thankfully, I don't always vent. God is very good to me and blesses me with a supportive family and much love. So, most days I feel more at peace.


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