Matters of My Heart

Matters of My Heart

As my list of chronic illnesses has gotten longer and longer, there are times when the worry and stress is overwhelming. The shock of having Coronary Artery Disease is still new. As my pill box has grown, I hesitate to list all my diseases and conditions. My real hope and goal is to live in contentment, despite an unforeseen future.
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While I’m waiting to see if I’ll need a stent in my heart, each palpitation and episode of breathlessness makes me a nervous wreck. So, the next few days is being spent resting. Thankfully, my family is very understanding. My husband has just taken over and is offering love and kindness (as well as cleaning the kitchen).
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Whatever the CT scan shows, at least it will be over soon. There’s nothing worse than not knowing the true problem with my health. I’m passing the time with lots of British documentaries and series on Prime Videos. And, Archie cuddles next to me every minute of the day….what a sweet and quiet companion.
Thankfully, none of my new medications are causing side effects. Because my other medications all gave me side effects to adjust to, this is a real blessing! I’ve turned to my new diet, and it will need to be my diet forever. Eating a vegan, gluten-free, oil-free diet is challenging. But, cutting out the added salt is the worst part of it. I love salt!
Having this new health challenge brings with it more frustration. When my health takes a front-seat, my family’s needs often take a back-seat. I was needed by my child to help with her baby for a short time. The trip is on hold in a time when I’m needed. The trip my other child needed to take could also be cancelled if I need a stent put in next week.
Chronic illness often brings me feelings of guilt because of all the things I mess up. Life in my family has certainly been altered because of all my illnesses. They say that they don’t mind and love me, and I believe that they mean it. It’s all so humbling.
God is good to me, despite all my misery, and I hope to give Him glory in my life. I really don’t know how how I can, but I trust God with my life.
Psalm 62:8 “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
@2019, copyright Lisa Ehrman

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