Chronic Illness

Just Another Awful Appointment

Today I survived my CT scan. It was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had, and I think it was quite traumatizing. When I returned home, the doctor called to tell me that my arteries weren’t blocked. So, why do I feel like crying?
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The day began at 4 am, even though there was very little sleep all night. My last chance to eat “breakfast” and take some of my pills was 4. No food was allowed after 5am and we began our drive at 6. Since we arrived one hour early, I went ahead and signed in at the reception desk.
When they called me to the back quickly, I was thrilled that this might get over with sooner than I thought. I couldn’t wait to be done, so that I could eat something! But, when I sat down in the chair to get an IV, everything went downhill quickly.
I’ve never had any trouble getting an IV until today. The nurse started guiding the needle into my arm, but it wasn’t working. He kept pushing and pushing and wiggling. Ugh…this felt terrible. He took that needle out and tried again on another vein. Again, he tried with lots of pushing and tugging…. Then, I started to get dizzy.
The dizziness got worse and worse. Then, the nausea hit and the colors all turned yellow. After that, my vision got blurry and then I got really sick. It seemed like forever that I was almost blacking out. I’ve only blacked out when I was in Anaphylactic Shock. Honestly, it’s a relief when the blacking out replaces the horrible nausea.
But today I just kept reeling in misery. It truly was the worst! Holding my head above the trash can was the last thing and then it was over. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but it was ridiculously terrible.
The CT scan was easy compared to the 1+ hour spent trying to get an IV. When I was allowed to leave, there was relief, but I could barely walk out of the building. I was in severe pain from my Sciatica and both my feet were throbbing. I was worried about all the Naproxen and muscle relaxers and had quit taking them for a few days. Boy, that was a painful choice.
After getting home, the doctor called rather quickly. She said, “I have great news for you”. She went on to describe the test results. I had no significant blockages. There was mild calcification in 2 arteries. She said that my problem with Left Branch Bundle Block should be helped by taking the Beta Blockers.
The tiny dose of Beta Blockers may have to be increased if they don’t make a difference in my trouble. Nothing is ever cut and dry with chronic illness. There are no magic pills to make all this go away. Why can’t I have health problems that are easy to deal with. Vent coming…..
The last straw was when she told me that there was a 1 cm spot on my breast. The CT scan also showed the breasts and lungs and the radiologist made note of the abnormality. So, now I get to worry about one more thing….breast cancer? It’s all just too much! There is never an end to my list: EDS, Mast Cell Disease, Sjogren’s Syndrome, Small Fiber Neuropathy, Arthritis, Scoliosis, Sciatica, Left Branch Bundle Block, Ostopenia, and maybe breast cancer?
There’s not much left of the day, but I’ll be staying here under my blankets. I’m too tired to cut off my hospital bracelets, even though I did remove all the medical tape from my elbows. The IV stabbing has left some remarkable bruises. I’m sure after a good night’s sleep I won’t be so grumpy.
@2019, copyright Lisa Ehrman

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