August has arrived and so it’s time to link up with other chronic illness bloggers. The Linkup Party with A Chronic Voice is an interesting way to share our experiences and feelings about chronic illness.
Bloggers love to capture their experiences and share them with others. Capturing memories is also important, and we all enjoy capturing faces and places on our camera. Whether we are using camera phones or expensive camera equipment, it’s the featured subject that is our focus. These are the times that we don’t want to forget.
I’ve been capturing the movements and smiles of my new grandchild. He changes so frequently that I love absorbing all the joy of his little smiles and laughs. Each moment is so precious that I want to record them all.
On a visit to my parent’s home this week, we all sat down to watch home slides. All the photos that my parents took over the years were put on slide film and we get to watch them on a screen. Even though the quality of the pictures wasn’t as great as our digital photos of today, the images were still fun to see.
Many of the slides we watched were from my early 20’s. I don’t even remember some of the occasions captured, but I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was so young and thin!!! It was hard to believe that I actually looked like that. I was much healthier then and it made me sad to see how far I’ve come (in a negative way).
Financing a life with chronic illness is an ongoing process that seems to get harder and harder. With insurance costs rising, medical debt remaining, prescriptions needed, and new doctors to be found, financing is required. Our savings and retirement funds struggle to keep up with the rate of spending.
Insurance companies pay less and less for things that we need to try and fight our illnesses. We pay so much in premiums, but get less back than we should. It’s always a battle.
Because of my numerous chronic medical conditions, there is a need for me to be in control of my treatments. I need to manage my bag of medicines, appointments, and records. It often feels like a full-time job!
Many times the appointments and need to get medication refills will slip up on me. Then, I have to hurry and try to get the pharmacy to fill the prescriptions that I need. When things get stressful I feel like the illnesses are controlling me. And, usually they are.
Being in pain, feeling dizzy and nauseated, and severely fatigued has a way of controlling what I am “allowed to do” each day. I don’t like feeling controlled and it’s a negative part of my life. I try to manage this feeling by being thankful for the positive part of my life. I’m blessed by God with so many good things.
After watching all of those slides from my younger years, I would be happy to exchange my present life with that of my past. At least I would like to have some of that energy back! I know that it’s impossible to relive earlier years. The main thing to do is to be thankful that those times were mine.
I’m thankful that I have the wonderful memories of youth when I had energy and a fairly healthy body. I can’t exchange the lighter feelings of youth for the heaviness of constant pain and the drain that it places on me. I can only tell myself that I’m still the same person that I was before. I’ve learned to feel and exist on another level than I knew existed. I can now feel more for others who suffer, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Going home can bring me to a place where I’m reflective. I spend hours thinking about almost every facet of my life. They say that you can’t go home. I know why they say this. It can be emotionally painful to go home.
Whatever I reflect on causes me to be motivated to start anew. Often, being in a place where I have a lot of time to think, I’ll come up with a specific goal. I’m always wanting to improve on my organization skills. So, I head home with a renewed sense of purpose. I love to feel motivated, but it almost always must come from inward motivation.
As I feel motivated to be more content with my chronic illness life, and to improve my organization, I hope you might feel motivated to do something that you need to do. Just because we spend a great deal of time fighting to function with chronic illness, doesn’t mean that we can’t also accomplish whatever God put us on the earth to do.
Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
@2019, copyright Lisa Ehrman