The Chronic Fight
I love the days when I wake up and feel like I can fight. Those are the days when you have an inner drive that bursts out and gives you a fighting spirit. You’re ready to tackle that chronic illness and pain. You’re eager to try to live a normal life.
Some days are like that. They seem to be the best ones, because you’re filled with positive thoughts. You really aim to start afresh, as if your chronic pain didn’t exist. I don’t know if it’s a sign of mental illness or just wishful thinking.
If you struggle with chronic pain and sickness, you probably know what I mean. It seems almost foolish to imagine that you’ll be able to just go on with life as if you’re not sick. Maybe it’s a form of denial that keeps cropping up in my mind. Because, who wants to accept that your life is chronically painful…..forever?
Now, these feelings have never lasted a full day for me. You know why? Because, reality hits me in the face. Reality will show itself differently each time, but there is always a common theme. You. Are. Sick!
These happy-thought days are quickly blown up with a variety of things:
- sudden pain
- family crisis
- weather changes
- how I feel when I do a couple of chores….like a truck hit me
So, why do I let myself go through this again and again? Well, I’m a human. Humans want to be happy and live a productive, meaningful life. I wasn’t always non-functional and I remember the better health days.
No matter what I may go through to recover from one of these days, it’s probably worth it. Today, I feel like two trucks have hit me. It’s because, I feel like everything on the list has hit me (except the cold). What to do?
As I lay in bed this morning, I prayed a long time for my list. I may still feel the effects of that truck, but I know in my heart that I’ll be ok. I know that God works things for my good.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
@2020, copyright Lisa Ehrman