Chronic pain is so unpredictable! Most days my chronic pain is stable and the level of pain averages around a 5-6. The 10-point scale gives us a fallible method to discuss how bad our pain is at any given time. The last two days have been rough. My pain levels in the morning are at least an 8. Giving pain a number isn’t the best way to describe pain, but it’s what is used. All I know is that my pain has been unbearable.
The last two mornings my back has been in extreme pain. The last few months, my worst pain has centered around Sciatica. The left leg and buttocks hurt and the pain goes down the leg and into my foot. It hurts to walk and sometimes I just can’t seem to walk without a limp.
That’s the type of pain that usually allows me to function a little. But, if I stand for more than a minute, the pain becomes unbearable and my lumbar region throbs. But the last two days have left me with pain covering the entire spine. The muscles around my neck feel swollen and throb. My mid-back, where the scoliosis curve is, throbs. And, my lower back hurts terribly. This is all in addition to the Sciatica pain.
I’ll see the doctor in a week. I plan to bring up this worsening of pain, but I highly doubt that anything will be done. Over the years, I’ve tried to get help for my pain. Doctors and even pain specialists offer nothing. I’ve gotten advice that I should take Advil and get physical therapy.
Physical Therapy makes much of my pain worse, and never takes into account my extreme fatigue. No matter how much I tell them, they don’t change the way they deal with me. My PT sessions are just the same as someone who comes in with an injury (and no other health problems). Advil does nothing unless I take 3 or 4 tablets every 4 hours. And, with Chronic Kidney Disease, that is a real risk.
I’ve been offered counseling for pain and an offer to get steroid shots. Of course, those of us with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome are not supposed to have steroid shots. But, no one seems to know any of this. No one has ordered an MRI of my spine. They just shrug their shoulders.
I have been given Hydrocodone after surgery, which really works on all my pain. But, so far, no doctor has been willing to prescribe this as a treatment. I’m so sick of this! Why should I never have pain relief?
My pain keeps me lying down and often causes me to feel nauseated. Today was so bad, that it came with severe stomach pain and then an allergic reaction. I’m so drugged up from Advil and Benadryl that I just need to sleep.
All of the emotions of being let down (again) by the nutritionist makes me sad that there is no hope for help from them. My inner drive to make progress has helped me to fight back. I am making my own diet and will do the best that I possibly can. I’m gradually trying to make a list of additions and subtractions to my eating. I won’t give up on losing weight, either.
Because I’ve accepted my poor health, I won’t let this stop me from living. If I never feel better, I will still try everyday to live a life of purpose. I won’t stop loving. My inner self is full of drive and ambition to make a difference in the lives of others. My inner self is excited and full of energy to accomplish much.
If you look at me you’ll only see the outside, physical appearance. My outward appearance shows a very tired, fat old lady. My swollen eyes hide the eyes that are trying to see the good in every day. Even though my vision is blurry I still have a desire to see the beauty in the world.
I pray that God keeps giving me the grace to live each day and feel His presence. Because of Him, I know that I’ll be able to endure pain. I may cry or have a pity party occasionally, but I know God will not give up on me or desert me.
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. I Corinthians 15:58
@2020, copyright Lisa Ehrman
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my opinions and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.