Every month has shocked me! It seems as though the year is flying by and it’s been filled with bad news. 2020 has certainly been a year that seems like a nightmare that just won’t end. A Chronic Voice continues to bring us prompts to get us writing on our blogs. I am grateful that she does this, because some days are pretty dark.
As August begins, I have new hope for a better day. This first day has been pretty awful. I’ve had a small amount of improvement in my pain levels, but the nausea has been much worse. So, I’ll get started looking at the prompt words, and try to get my mind off of my body.
When we hear the word Lock, I think we’ll forever think of lockdown. 2020 has definitely made it’s mark on our psyche. I’ve been in lockdown since the first week of March. Our state is in stage 3 of re-opening, but I have only left the house for two doctor’s appointments. I’ve had three zoom appointments.
While many are out living their lives, with no restrictions, I am not. Because I’m barely able to deal with my poor health, I don’t think that I could survive Covid 19. So, I have made the choice to stay in lockdown. I don’t know when that will change. I miss being able to travel and see my family. But, as an introvert, I don’t mind staying away from other things.
The lockdown has been limiting, but it is not as limiting as my diseases. Because my health is suffering from Sjogren’s, I know that this is what is limiting to me. My fatigue is limiting me because it is not regular tiredness. It is ugly fatigue. Waking up every morning to severe fatigue and enduring it everyday is the worse thing.
My pain is limiting. Having Sciatica makes it hard to walk or even sit up, sometimes. My back pain limits me, so that I can only cook for about 5 minutes. I certainly can’t cook much in 5 minutes. It really gets old! But, I can’t change it. Thankfully, my mind isn’t limited (too much).
I’m thankful that I am not limited in the amount of love I can receive. I’m also not limited in the amount of blogging I can do. I really enjoy writing and sharing with others online.
My days of studying hard has been over since I finished my master’s degree. I enjoy watching my youngest child studying hard in his doctoral program. I admire the diligence it takes to study hard.
During the pandemic, I find myself studying others. It’s interesting to see how people react and over-react to the pandemic. It’s amazing how people fall into different categories and how they let themselves be defined. I personally don’t think that a global pandemic is political.
My outlook has been to study the facts and do my best to protect myself and my family. And, of course, as a Christian, I want to love my neighbor as myself. This outlook makes it easy to be full of grace, share grace, and care about the needs of others.
I’m just watching the year go by. With chronic illness, I’ve definitely become more introspective and serious. When chronic illness stops all your plans for the future, it becomes inevitable that one starts to look inward. It forces me to realize how short life really is.
We never know how long we will live. Before my sickness, I never dreamed that i would end up disabled. One day you can function and the next day you can’t. Now, I watch the world go by. The world isn’t passing me by, though. I have my place in it and my purpose.
I pray for healing. I try new treatments to experience healing. The only healing I’ve experienced so far is the healing of some of my character. Because I can’t function in a physical way, there has been healing of my ability to care. Before I was sick, my lack of patience caused me to be uptight.
Learning to loosen up and not freak out over all the little things has been a very healing thing for me. This only occurred because I had no choice. I could just live freaked out all the time, or I could just get over it. The little things that used to bother me, are now little things.
@2020, copyright Lisa Ehrman