It’s been one month since I returned home from my visit to help take care of my mother. When I came home I was very mentally and physically fatigued. My stress level had gone through the roof while there. I was determined to get plenty of rest and add in more self-care time. But, it hasn’t been so easy to do that.
Since I’ve come home I’ve realized that my husband is much weaker. Due to his stage 4 cancer diagnosis, he is so fatigued. Taking hormone therapy has lowered his PSA to a great number, but it brings on so much fatigue. I’m thankful that most of the time I’m able to help him and be an encouragement.
I’ve tried writing down my self-care plans each day and that worked well for about one week. When I have a few bad days my plans usually go out the window. The days this week when I wasn’t strong enough to shower are all about survival. I know that self-care isn’t going to happen. I just try to make sure that I take all my medications on those rough days.
Today was a better day and I could actually see clearly. When my husband was called by the oncologist to come in for a lab test, I got ready to go with him. He was very nervous and I was thankful to feel good enough to go. On this warm Kansas day, I loved seeing all the Black-Eyed Susan flowers growing alongside the highway. I’ve never seen that in other parts of the country.
I feel terrible about how he must feel in the oncologist office. The waiting room is attractive, on first sight. But, I’ve started to notice how creepy it is. The room is an open two-story with rows of chairs facing the check-in desk. Sounds in there echo so there is no privacy. The receptionists sound like they’re screaming.
People give out their names and birthdates. The ladies ask tons of questions, including many Covid-19 questions. All the people keep their heads down and no one talks. The atmosphere is horrible and certainly provides no comfort for people facing the horrors of cancer.
I have a call in to start my Phototherapy treatments again in Kansas City. I really dread it and dread going three times a week. It will be hard on my husband, because he insists on going. I have a great husband and I’m thanking God for that. I have wonderful kids, too.
My middle child is pregnant with her second and they found out today that it is a boy. That will be my third grandson and I’m thrilled! That was the best part of the week, knowing that he is growing well. Having grandkids really motivates me to try and do everything I can to stay around longer to be their Mimi.
I’ll keep asking God to give me the strength to live and do the best I can with this body I’ve been given. I may never be healthy, but I will try to enjoy all the good moments in my life.
@2021, copyright Lisa Ehrman
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my experiences and opinions and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.