As I’ve been fighting this bronchitis, I’ve had a little too much time to think. It’s very discouraging to be sicker than my usual sick. I finished a round of antibiotics and I am improving, but it takes such a long time to get well.
Sleeping all night and taking extra naps during the day has been part of my attempt to get better. But, last week I made the mistake of cleaning the bathrooms. It wasn’t a bad pain day for me, so I bent over the tub and scrubbed. It didn’t hurt at the time, but the next day was horrible. Four days later my back is still in severe pain. I’ve had to resort to using Advil once or twice a day to take the edge off, even though this is bad for my kidneys.
Today I realized that many times when I’m resting I’ve drifted into a type of fantasy-land. I didn’t realize it, but much of my time has been spent thinking about all the things I want to do in life, but can’t. Day-dreaming about how I wish I lived my life hasn’t been helping me. Wanting to do things that I can’t do, because of my illnesses, is a waste of time.
Even though I didn’t realize how much I was thinking this way, the results were still negative. Now I know that I need to intentionally work on living in my real world. So many reasons may exist for thinking this way. Sometimes, as we get older, we don’t want to accept that life is changing. That is a more gradual transition. Getting hit with many chronic illnesses at an older age has seemed to knock me off my feet (so to speak).
My dreams and goals need to be adjusted to line up with my new reality. This is not giving up the fight to improve my health. But, this is me getting a more clear mind-set. For me, when I need to make a life change, it’s important to write it down. Writing things down helps me, because I’m very visual. When I write down things, they become more real for me.
My desire is to live a life that is honest and follows God’s plan for me. This is so hard! It can be hard enough to be honest with myself, and when you live in a brain-fog of pain it’s even harder. But, now that I know of the changes that need to be made, I’ll start working on it.
@2018, copyright Lisa Ehrman