Chronic Illness, Contentment

Emotional Toil of Chronic Illness

Chronic illness takes such a toil on us.  Physically we hurt, deal with fatigue, poor treatments and side-effects of medicines.  We try painful and frightening medicines, injections and procedures.  These are bad, but sometimes the emotional toil is the worst.

Emotional

Since I don’t even remember what it feels like to not be in pain, I’ve become tough to it.  Many times I can put it out of my mind.  But, lately the thoughts about my limitations have been hurting me.  These emotions that come with chronic pain and illness can be strong.

I almost never leave the house because of all my dizzy and nausea spells.  When I do leave home for a rare church attendance or a doctor’s appointment, I’m so amazed at nature.  I forget how beautiful the sky is or the grass looks.  Sitting in church last week brought on a new feeling.

I don’t stand up during church for singing or anything, because the spells get bad.  As I sat, and everyone else stood, my feelings turned dark.  This made me think about other people in wheelchairs, who can’t stand.  I really felt “disabled”.  It was a strange emotion, because I often am in denial about my health.

You can accept that you have chronic illness, but it still is a battle for me to accept that I’m not getting better.  I went to the pain management doctors today, and they agreed to try more alternatives to my pain medicine.  With kidney damage and less medicine for fear of liver damage, my doctors now are offering me Tylenol and physical therapy.  Since I took a lot of ibuprofen and naproxen, the kidney damage is likely the result.

I’ll be cutting back on Cymbalta, because this isn’t good for kidneys, either.  While I deal with less medicine and more pain, my emotions will become more strained.  I don’t want to be in denial about what’s coming.  All my pain-relieving tools will be needed to fight these battles.

The number one tool for my emotions is love and support.  Love comes from my family, kind friends, and especially my Lord.  God knows my pain and He cares.  Prayer to Him brings me peace and comfort.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

@2017, copyright Lisa Ehrman

8 Comments

  1. Lisa I will be praying for you! I love the name of your blog by the way – it is convicting and yet so creative! So glad I found you over at Crystal’s today!

    1. xaoti

      Thanks so much, Meghan! I’m so glad you came to visit, and I really do appreciate the prayers 🙂 God bless!

  2. Hi, Lisa knowing many of us go through chronic pain as if it was a hamper on our lives. Once, I allowed myself really trust God. Let go over over 32 medications. Keep active no matter what and always praising his name. Serving others as I would him. I gave all my thoughts to glorifying God in everything I do and think. My pain was not felt like it was when on so many “So Called” pain pills.

    Remembering, all medicine is used to numb us only God heals and with rest and time. Our bodies have a natural healing process. Yet, without our mental focus, we speak negative things to continue to cause the root of the pain. Just speaking from over 32 years of torture and almost failure to live.

    My supportive lifting you up will continue,
    Brotherbill

    1. xaoti

      Thank you for your encouraging words! God is a great healer 🙂

  3. God is so good! I see the good Lord every day in the little things He does to help me get through the day. I could not handle chronic illness without His strength and love! God bless you and what a wonderful thing you’re doing here with your site! 🙂

    1. xaoti

      Thank you Billie, for your kindness! God is so good to help when we really need it. I’m so thankful that you are praising Him for all His goodness and grace. God bless 🙂

  4. Praying for God’s strength through weakness and pain and counting on Him to comfort and provide. I’ve been off the grid for a bit with Hurricane Irma, but glad to be back and so grateful to have you sharing on Fresh Market Friday and looking forward to future posts.

    1. xaoti

      Thank you Crystal. You’re so kind 🙂 I’m glad to hear you made is safely through the hurricane!

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