Chronic illness takes such a toil on us. Physically we hurt, deal with fatigue, poor treatments and side-effects of medicines. We try painful and frightening medicines, injections and procedures. These are bad, but sometimes the emotional toil is the worst.
Since I don’t even remember what it feels like to not be in pain, I’ve become tough to it. Many times I can put it out of my mind. But, lately the thoughts about my limitations have been hurting me. These emotions that come with chronic pain and illness can be strong.
I almost never leave the house because of all my dizzy and nausea spells. When I do leave home for a rare church attendance or a doctor’s appointment, I’m so amazed at nature. I forget how beautiful the sky is or the grass looks. Sitting in church last week brought on a new feeling.
I don’t stand up during church for singing or anything, because the spells get bad. As I sat, and everyone else stood, my feelings turned dark. This made me think about other people in wheelchairs, who can’t stand. I really felt “disabled”. It was a strange emotion, because I often am in denial about my health.
You can accept that you have chronic illness, but it still is a battle for me to accept that I’m not getting better. I went to the pain management doctors today, and they agreed to try more alternatives to my pain medicine. With kidney damage and less medicine for fear of liver damage, my doctors now are offering me Tylenol and physical therapy. Since I took a lot of ibuprofen and naproxen, the kidney damage is likely the result.
I’ll be cutting back on Cymbalta, because this isn’t good for kidneys, either. While I deal with less medicine and more pain, my emotions will become more strained. I don’t want to be in denial about what’s coming. All my pain-relieving tools will be needed to fight these battles.
The number one tool for my emotions is love and support. Love comes from my family, kind friends, and especially my Lord. God knows my pain and He cares. Prayer to Him brings me peace and comfort.
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
@2017, copyright Lisa Ehrman