Christmas Comes

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Christmas will be here before we know it and I’m not ready. Are we ever ready? I guess not. There are to-do lists that never get done and we may feel overwhelmed. I wrapped every present two days ago. Sitting on the floor wrapping gifts threw a real kink in my back. Yesterday was even more painful.

My family went to the grandchild’s birthday party. It was beautiful and fun, but grandma got tired. I was exhausted after being on my feet a lot to take photos and videos. Afterwards, we had to go to the grocery store. I don’t do long shopping events because it kills my back and feet. Our very long grocery list was necessary, because staying with my parents means that I must bring food to their house.

I could barely walk out of the store. Hubby loaded everything, but the pain had begun. By the time we got home my feet and back were in terrible shape! The pain in my big toe joints was so sharp and I couldn’t get my focus off of the awful pain. Also, my back felt broken so I asked Hubby to massage those areas. Thankfully, it helped enough for me to go to sleep.

Have you ever been in so much pain that you didn’t even think about taking pain-relief medication? I never have, but I’ve also been having awful brain fog. I have to forgive myself for overdoing it.

I’ve written about pacing more times than I can remember. I have a terrible history with pacing. I honestly believe in it but I also hate it. I want to be normal, but I know that I never will. I have been falling asleep all throughout the day. I can be reading a book and after a few lines I jerk awake. It’s really annoying and it took me so long to read the book today.

I now have sinus stuffiness. I’m not sure it’s from the booster shot or from my grandchild who had a cold and fever yesterday. I’m terribly tired but tomorrow Hubby and I have to go to town and finish all the Christmas shopping. There’s not a great deal to do, but it will feel impossible.

I’m looking online to see which stores have rental wheelchairs. I will shop in those stores, because I left my personal wheelchair at home. I just can not walk around long enough to shop. I also feel so much pressure to start Christmas baking. I know I can’t do as much as I did in years’ past, but I still want to do some homemade baking.

I know I’m disabled and limited in what I can accomplish, but still feel guilty and upset when I can’t cook and clean. I realize that it’s alright to be limited. It’s also not right to blame myself for things that I’m no longer able to do. Here’s to you in your holiday prep……may you enjoy each moment and not suffer too much.

@2021, copyright Lisa Ehrman

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