Overwhelm With Chronic Illness And The Peace We Long For

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Things have been changing the last few days with many tough decisions being made. There have been so many appointments and activities, that I can’t really remember what day everything happened, or what day it is.

Today I was meant to have arrived out-of-state at my nephew’s wedding. I’m sad that I decided not to go. With the long distance to drive and the extent of my ankle swelling, it was not a trip that I felt safe taking. I am going to miss a lovely time with family, especially my grandchildren.

This is just one of many other times when I missed out on a special occasion. These times make me feel guilty, like I’ve let everyone down. Having felt these feelings before, I know that no one feels that way but me. My mind just wants me to take the blame for things happening that are out of my control.

Friday was the day of my stress test. Those tests make me so nervous and I really dreaded it. Because the treadmill test was impossible with my ankle in a boot, I was given a chemical test. IV’s were used to inject a drug that made my heart ‘stressed’.

Comparing this stress test to my 2019 treadmill stress test was surprising. The chemical test was a little easier, because it didn’t last as long. I also didn’t have to sweat and work so hard to keep walking on that awful treadmill.

The results showed the same thing as last time, except that the ischemia was noted as mild with an apical anterior septal fixed defect. This is a congenital heart condition where there’s a hole between the upper chambers (atria) of the heart.

So, the “fixed” defect indicates an area where blood flow remains abnormal both at rest and during stress.” (medhelp.org) I also read that there can be a connection of septal defect and Left Bundle Branch Block. LBBB is a conduction disorder that effects the blood flow. I don’t pretend to know enough about this, but it’s interesting to see that connection. Read more HERE.

I doubt that any of you dear readers have the same diagnosis of LBBB and Mild Ischemia with Anterior Septal Defect. But, you may live with your own disease or combination of conditions that are troubling you in the same way or worse. It’s so important to me that we communicate with each other and share the burden of our suffering.

If you want to discuss your health problem, I hope that you’ll comment or send me a message. After becoming sicker, I definitely have more empathy and grace than I would have without the sickness.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

John 14:27

A new diagnosis will always bring stress and confusion, and I’ve been dealing with that. But, I know that things will settle down after all the facts are in and a treatment plan is complete. Until then, I am trying to relax and prevent myself for being too tense.

God’s peace isn’t the peace that we seek in the world. That peace is temporary, but God gives a perfect peace. When my health overwhelms, God’s peace is the only thing that allows me to have an outlook of hope.

@2024, copyright Lisa Ehrman

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my experiences and opinions and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.

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