Summarizing, Crossing, Moving, Rebuilding, and Expecting

I think that it’s been a month or two since I participated in A Chronic Voice’s Linky. I’ve always enjoyed these posts, because we see things differently. It can be like our own little therapy session when we get together online. I’m trying to start the new year off right. New doctors are working with me to help solve my mast cell problem and my Essential Tremor and Myoclonus.

The neurologist saw me yesterday and seemed pleased that I was having less jerks and tremors. The bad news was the long list of side effects: acting out my dreams, seeing things that weren’t there, too drowsy to drive, and depression. The only other medication he had to offer had the same side effects.

From my arrival at the doctor’s office I had been drinking a lot of caffeine and should have been wide awake. But, I was falling asleep after every sentence that I typed and often I would be forgetting to eat lunch. Then I would get behind in taking my medication. The doctor agreed that it would be fine to stop the medicine. I’m too dizzy, nervous, and depressed to take a drug that makes me nonfuctional. Just ask my husband!!!

My new drug will be reduced to 1/2 dose for 3 days and then just stop. I expect to have bad days dealing with stopping a drug. I’ve always had times of misery when I start or stop a new drug. This drug is Clonazepam. This addictive drug will be stopped by the weekend’s end.

Summarizing

December went by so fast that I didn’t get to do any of my regular Christmas traditions. I was sick all month, because I was either getting down from traveling or starting that new drug. We didn’t have time to drive around and look at Chrismas lights. That is something that is always so festive, relaxing, and I always look forward to it.

Next year, I want to make myself do more Christmas things: go hear a concert, go to the town’s parade and other events will put me in the Christmas spirit. This year was all about doctor’s appointments and very long car rides. And, don’t forget staying in motels ( which was very un-Christmasy).

I guess that summarizing can be good when it pushes you to change for the better.

Crossing

We’ve crossed from one year to the next. As children, time seemed to move much more slowly and we wanted to hurry it up. If we could only slow down time and appreciate each moment. No, we don’t want to re-live the bad times, but so many moments and people loved us.

We may have crossed a date on the calendar, but each day we are alive is worthwhile. They can be all the same, but we hope that some days will be ones we’ll remember forever. Each new year I’ve crossed another line or degree of illness. As I’ve recently been to a neurologist for tremors and jerks that appear to be Essential and not Parkinsonian, the doctor isn’t sure. I’ll cross that line when I reach it.

Moving

How many times have you moved? I hate moving! When I was younger I could pack an entire house in one day and that was a lot of boxes. We’re living in Kansas temporarily and will move back home in a couple of years. Hubby and I wil have to hire a moving group to pack everything and ship it to our new home. We’re both in such poor health, we will be moving as little as possible.

Rebuilding

I always think of rebuilding as a positive action. I’ve usually heard this word when people talk about having a rebuilding year in sports. I love watching football, but hate that this word means your favorite team is going to stink this year.

This last prompt word was written after a couple of days. Yesterday I went back to the hospital for an MRI. This was the most dreary place in the hospital, for sure. I had to take the elevator down to the basement floor. There were rough concrete floors and nothing looked like the rest of the hospital. It didn’t have any finishing touches, only many doors. I saw one blue sign that said MRI with an arrow pointing left.

I followed the sign even though there were no people anywhere to be seen and I felt like I had entered a place where I wasn’t meant to be. I kept walking and found the office. I signed in one hour early. As I waited, two people went ahead of me. An hour later I wdas taken down a hall and it wasn’t anywhere near the rest of the hospital.

A nurse had me change into a gown, pants and non-slip socks. Then the nurse tried to put in an IV. The first attempt hurt terribly (and left a huge bruise). The next attempt went smoothly. The IV was to put a contrast into my vein so that the MRI would show the veins. I didn’t have any idea how sick I would be.

I was helped onto the MRI table and given wired ear buds. They hurt a lot, and I wished that I had said no to this “entertainment”. The “jazz” music was a terrible cheap-sounding jazz on a radio station. The MRI started and my head felt like it would explode. I spent the rest of the time praying that I wouldn’t throw up in there. This is the first MRI where I felt I was being tortured.

When I finally got out, I had to have a nurse to hold onto. I changed back into my clothes. Then, as I grabbed the nearest trash can to puke, the nurse handed me a vomit bag. After that was finished another nurse handed me some wet, cool washcloths. I felt better quickly. The nurse got a wheelchair and took me back to the lobby and front door.

Hubby arrived in the pick up line quickly and the nurse helped me all the way to the car door. What a blessing she was, talking calmly and positively to me all the way. I felt pretty sick going home, but didn’t need to use the extra bags the nurse sent with me. I looked up the contrast later and found that I had experienced the normal side effects.

EXPECTING

I haven’t received the results yet, but another MRI has been scheduled for me. The first MRI was cervical and the next one will be thoratic. I need to find out why they added this one. Did they see something bad? Are they trying to find out if my entire spine is involved? I’m really nervous now. The doctor also made an appointment for me with the building that cares for stroke patients. Whatever is going on with my body isn’t good.

Could I really be content with cancer or something severe like that? I don’t know but I’m praying a lot and trying to relax. Deep breathing and rest are something small that I can do until I find out what these tests really show.

Rebuilding is a positive word and I hope to be able to use it, no matter what surprises may come my way. I did get a good test result from my 3D Mammogram. The dense fiberous tissue showed no abnormalities, and I’ll gladly take it!

Yes, January has just begun and who knows what will happen this year. I know that God knows the future and wants only good for me. I will continue asking Him for the faith to be content while I’m suffering.

I Peter 4:1 Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin,

2023, copyright Lisa Ehrman

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my experiences and opinions and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.