Sunshine Despite Pain

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Are you able to enjoy the weather lately? Today we have beautiful sunshine with a refreshing breeze. I love this weather, because the hot, humid weather of summer hasn’t arrived. Staying indoors with air conditioner is my plan for the hot weather.

Microscope Examine Specimen

I’ve been wearing my boot all day and it can be very cumbersome. It’s heavy and the Even-up on my right foot is heavy, too. It was very funny when I went to a new dermatologist yesterday. I was very awkward, trying to get up on the examination table. Then, turning over on my stomach was even worse.

All I could do was laugh and the nurse laughed with me. When the new dermatologist entered the room, I could tell that he had a blunt manner. Many people have found him cool and harsh, but I prefer to get down to the business of helping me with my health issues.

He started examining all my rashes and lesions. After a few minutes he stated that I had psoriasis. I didn’t expect that, but it seemed refreshing to hear that he was certain in his diagnosis.

As he looked on my lower back, he asked me many questions about the patch of three circular rashes. He wanted to know how long it had been there and which doctors had diagnosed it. Lastly, he did a punch biopsy of the lesion that had a psoriasis appearance.

I prefer a punch biopsy over a slice one, because it seems to heal faster on me. There’s always dressing the wound daily for a bit. I’ll be returning in two weeks to see if the biopsy shows something definitive, where the other two biopsies were inconclusive.

After waiting until our insurance deductible was met, I was finally able to go to the medical supplies store to get my brand new CPAP machine and supplies. After two weeks of using it, I’m supposed to notify my cardiologist, letting her know if I have any improvement in my shortness-of-breath.

I’m trying to not think constantly about what I may be faced with soon. If I need to start on a medicine for Psoriasis, that will be scary. My reaction to Otezla scared me to death, and I don’t know what else might also cause allergic reactions that are similar. And, ankle surgery could be ahead. I feel that I can’t really plan ahead for a summer of traveling to see family.

When things are as up-in-the-air as they are, I tend to daydream, imagining what will be next in my life. After being so very sick for so many years, I have recently realized that I have lost myself in my illness.

I know that I have recognized I have a new normal. This new me should also include the old me. The real me is some type of combination of both. As I head into (possibly) darker waters, I would strive harder to be intentional in remembering and bringing out the original me. I hope that I can find her…..at least the inner part of me who was more driven.

Just writing it down is exciting! I’m so thankful to God for these freeing feelings. Chronic illness is so physically exhausting, but the mental exhaustion has really brought me depression and anxiety. I can’t really fight them off on my own. The many times I feel hopeless, God’s faithfulness surrounds me and my mind is put at ease.

@copyright, Lisa Ehrman

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my opinions and experiences, and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.

7 thoughts on “Sunshine Despite Pain”

  1. I am still praying for you. Any illness is just so hard. We should be enjoying our life now, not trying to remember when the next doctor appointment is and with which doctor. You are not alone, there are people praying for you.

  2. Sending prayers to you! My ex husband and all of 3 adult kids have Psoriasis. They found that Sunshine and especially going to a tanning booth helped with it and make it somewhat better.

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