The Last Day of 2023

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It’s the last day of 2023 and guess what? I am sicker now than I was in when the year began. That is depressing to think about. This year I tried so many things that didn’t work and one drug made me feel like death.

It’s very discouraging to try many treatments and changes that don’t do any good. I’ve written about new drug trials that I failed. I’ve suffered through bad side effects until we realized that they weren’t helping at all.

I broke out in a rash that hasn’t been identified in April. The rash is still here and is very ugly. My legs, arms, scalp, and back have to be covered. I don’t like everyone staring at how ugly my arms and legs are. There is no treatment that clears up my skin.

I started having tremors, which have progressed. I also began having jerks (myoclonus) and they are often worse than when they started. I started having active dreams (hitting, screaming, moving empty hand to my mouth and trying to chew, and talking to people in my dream as I’m waking up. These symptoms and more are causing me to have a DaTscan, which can help to diagnose Parkinson’s Disease.

I don’t know what 2024 will bring. I hope it will bring better news about my health. I’m due for a Bone Density exam, Mammogram, Dental checkup ( One tooth has chipped around the top), Cardiology exam, and Endocrinologist Exam. There is also a long overdue exam with my Sleep Apnea doctor. I hope that nothing has gotten worse.

Has your health held steady or have you had to accept a new or worsening diagnosis. Having severe and chronic illness is devastating and often too much to handle. Looking forward to another year of pain is depressing. I’m struggling with all this.

I can’t handle it so I have to give it to God. He’s the only one who can take my worry, pain, and sadness and turn it into contentment and joy. 2024 is another year to live and be thankful for the way God keeps me sane. He goes way beyond keeping me sane.

He brings me days when I feel very happy and content. On the bad days I try to feel grateful for all the good things in my life. If I don’t then I will annoy my family with my grumpiness. It’s rough living with chronic illness and pain, but it’s also hard to live with someone who has chronic illness and pain.

As I work on setting goals for 2024, I get so excited to write them down and put them in order. After losing 20 pounds, I want to continue losing until I reach my goal weight. I also want to add a few exercises, hoping for a little improvement in my stamina.

I want to try and spend more time out of my recliner. Having activities that are enjoyable can make it easier for me to develop some new movements and thought patterns. I spend too much time just sitting and looking at my laptop.

Do you have any goals for 2024? Making goals can be risky, because of what will happen if you don’t succeed. If I fail in my goal results I end up down on myself. I know that that type of reaction is unhealthy, but I grew up getting praise for accomplishments instead of unconditional love. I know that I can do more to make changes, but sometimes it’s so hard.

I’ll be trying to give myself grace while I work on being a better person and Christian. Doing more for others and sharing love and kindness will surely bring me a lot of joy. God bless you all dear readers and Happy New Year!

@2023, copyright Lisa Ehrman

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my opinions and experiences and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.

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